Feeling ‘Too Emotional’ in Your Relationship? Understanding Why Your Feelings Can Feel So Intense
Feeling overwhelmed in your relationship? Discover how past experiences may be impacting your current relationships and emotions and how online counselling can help.
Why Emotions Can Feel Overwhelming in Relationship
Within therapy, many people often share they feel “too emotional” in their relationships. However, there is often a very understandable reason for this intensity. Attachment theory shows that our need for emotional closeness and security is wired deep within us.
As infants, we depend on caregivers for comfort and safety. If your caregivers were not consistently available, you may have become more sensitive to signs of distance or disconnection, as a way of anticipating and responding to emotional unpredictability. Over time, these early experiences shape our internal understanding, or “model,” of what relationships are like. These experiences influence how we open-up to others, handle conflict, and what we expect when we need care or support as adults. Thus, when we enter into close relationships as adults this can activate deep emotional patterns formed long before your current relationship.
What Emotional Overwhelm Looks Like in Relationships
When emotional closeness feels uncertain or threatened, you might notice yourself becoming emotionally overwhelmed. Common signs include:
- Shutting down, going numb, or withdrawing to cope
- Quick reactions like defensiveness or snapping when hurt or scared
- Feeling “too much” and worrying you’ll push your partner away
- Overthinking every word or needing constant reassurance
- “Seeing red” or feeling sudden anger
- Persistently apologizing, even when it’s not your fault
These reactions are often your mind and body’s way of trying to protect you from feeling rejected, unseen, or unsafe. Emotional overwhelm can happen when something in the present stirs up old fears of disconnection or abandonment. Even though these responses can feel confusing or “too much,” they’re rooted in your natural need for closeness and safety. Understanding where they come from is the first step toward responding differently.
Could My Emotional Reactions Be Linked to Past Experiences or Trauma?
Many emotional reactions in adult relationships such as the examples listed above, trace back to early experiences with caregivers. Intense responses like withdrawal or constant reassurance may be the residual impact of past relationships and experiences. These responses often come from the attachment system, the same instinctive part of us that once helped keep us safe and connected to caregivers.
Attachment patterns act like filters that shape how we experience and respond to relationships as adults. For example, if you received inconsistent care as a child, you might have learned to work harder for attention or to pull away to avoid disappointment. As an adult, this can show up as seeking constant reassurance in relationships or withdrawing to protect yourself from emotional pain.
Understanding your attachment style helps explain why you respond emotionally in certain ways, especially during stress or conflict. Recognizing these patterns is the first step toward responding from the present, rather than being unconsciously driven by past experiences or trauma.
How Therapy Can Help You Navigate Emotional Intensity
Through counselling approaches like Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) and Internal Family Systems (IFS), I will support you:
- Explore the roots of your emotional reactions and attachment patterns
- Understand how past experiences may influence your present responses
- Reconnect compassionately with parts of yourself that learned to protect you
- Respond to your partner from the present moment, rather than reacting automatically from the past
Counselling provides a safe space to unpack emotional overwhelm, build trust in yourself and your relationships, and learn supportive ways to communicate and connect with others. I offer online counselling, supporting adults who want to work through past wounds, fear, and trust issues so they can build secure and fulfilling connections in their relationships.
🌿 Book a free 15-minute consultation to start learning how to manage emotional overwhelm and create relationships that feel secure, authentic, and connected.